I’m not sure if you guys have noticed but Emory will be born tomorrow!!!!I know, I know… I have left you all without an update for so very long. I apologize. I was sick off and on and then what with getting everything prepared for people to take over while I am out on my maternity leave…well it has been a little hectic.
I also must admit that in the past couple of weeks I have used work to distract me from the stress that I was experiencing as the final days passed. You see, I learned a powerful lesson when I got married and worked up through the Wednesday before getting married on Friday. If you are going to work right up to these big life events then you have to do just that. Work. If you (or if I) divide my attention between the coming life event and think about every detail (as I like to do) and the work, it will drive you crazy and quite frankly it makes me a bit of a bitch not to mention a basket case! I think I managed pretty well these past few days if I do say so myself.
I focused on the work and rarely allowed myself to think about all the rest…all the things I have absolutely no control over whatsoever. It is very nerve wracking. It must be difficult enough being the person giving birth to the baby. That being Lori in this case, of course. Thank GOD she is having a C-section. At least that much of the “plan” I could plan on.
That is the only thing that has allowed me any sanity has been “my plan”. Anytime someone wanted to mess with my plan it really threw me for a loop! At some point someone somewhere wanted to change a piece of the plan…I think it was whether we needed to arrive in babyville (that is what I am calling where Emory will be born to protect Lori’s privacy) on Sunday or move it up to Saturday. Wow, even something so simple nearly sent me off the deep end!
I (we) are so excited but also full of anxiety. Basically fear of the unknown. What will it be like in the hospital? How will Lori feel? How will we feel? Are we all ready? I think we are…we certainly have enough stuff for him. We have read What to Expect the First Year, or at least all that is pertinent to us at this point. We took a Baby Basics class where we learned how to swaddle the baby, how the bathe the baby, and Blake learned how to open the little sticky tabs on the diaper as he had never seen one up close and personal (what have I gotten myself into!).
Now what about Lori, you ask. She is very ready for Emory to exit her body. She has felt like she is about to pop for at least 2 weeks now! I actually developed enough courage (via text message-that is where most all my most difficult questions are asked of late) to ask her if she is still feels good about Blake and I being Emory’s parents? She replied “Of course, you don’t even have to ask that. You and Blake are Emory’s parents and always will be.” Whew. No one (except another adoptive parent) can understand how good it feels to hear that. I spoke to Francesca (my friend who is an adoptive mother) about it. She commented about how that is such a difficult thing to ask, but if you don’t it will just eat you alive.
As you may remember, it is still a possibility that Lori could decide to parent the baby. I don’t think that will happen but a small little part of me has to stay prepared for that possibility. Yesterday we were texting about how things will kind of “go” while we are all at the hospital. She said that she imagined we would all be together with him in her room. I think that sounds great. I also suggested that while she is resting (a c-section has to be draining…no pun intended) we spend some time alone with Emory in the nursery. And, we will need to head to our room at the Hampton Inn to get our last night of uninterrupted sleep before he leaves the hospital on Tuesday. That will give her an opportunity to see him without us if she wants to. She said that she wants to spend as much time with us and him as possible as long as we are comfortable with it because he is our baby. Our baby! WOW! Leaving with us on Tuesday! WOW!!! Can you believe it!! Sorry for my digression… I think we have to trust her. She trusts us with raising and being the parents of this child. I have to believe that she knows what she is capable of dealing with.
We have grown to love this girl. Blake commented once that we would adopt her too if we could (I hope that doesn’t sound condescending). We want her to be a part of our lives and a part of Emory’s life as long as we don’t think it is to his detriment. If he becomes confused by all of it or was somehow a troubled child having a birthparent be a fixture might be more problematic but aside from that we anticipate her being a part of our lives in some capacity.
Yes, we have only committed to one visit a year for the first two years of his life but we absolutely want to stay in touch. After all, as much as we may want to we may never be able to adopt again. Shit ain’t cheap. That being said, any child Lori has will be Emory’s brother and/or sister and we certainly don’t want to deprive him of that. I guess we will cross that road when we come to it. I have read EXTENSIVELY about relationships of adoptive parents with birth mothers. They come in all shapes and sizes and the "open" part of an open adoption can be whatever a family needs it to be. Soon I will do an Adoption 101 post to help everyone understand some of the terms I may use time to time.
I (we) are so excited but also full of anxiety. Basically fear of the unknown. What will it be like in the hospital? How will Lori feel? How will we feel? Are we all ready? I think we are…we certainly have enough stuff for him. We have read What to Expect the First Year, or at least all that is pertinent to us at this point. We took a Baby Basics class where we learned how to swaddle the baby, how the bathe the baby, and Blake learned how to open the little sticky tabs on the diaper as he had never seen one up close and personal (what have I gotten myself into!).
Now what about Lori, you ask. She is very ready for Emory to exit her body. She has felt like she is about to pop for at least 2 weeks now! I actually developed enough courage (via text message-that is where most all my most difficult questions are asked of late) to ask her if she is still feels good about Blake and I being Emory’s parents? She replied “Of course, you don’t even have to ask that. You and Blake are Emory’s parents and always will be.” Whew. No one (except another adoptive parent) can understand how good it feels to hear that. I spoke to Francesca (my friend who is an adoptive mother) about it. She commented about how that is such a difficult thing to ask, but if you don’t it will just eat you alive.
As you may remember, it is still a possibility that Lori could decide to parent the baby. I don’t think that will happen but a small little part of me has to stay prepared for that possibility. Yesterday we were texting about how things will kind of “go” while we are all at the hospital. She said that she imagined we would all be together with him in her room. I think that sounds great. I also suggested that while she is resting (a c-section has to be draining…no pun intended) we spend some time alone with Emory in the nursery. And, we will need to head to our room at the Hampton Inn to get our last night of uninterrupted sleep before he leaves the hospital on Tuesday. That will give her an opportunity to see him without us if she wants to. She said that she wants to spend as much time with us and him as possible as long as we are comfortable with it because he is our baby. Our baby! WOW! Leaving with us on Tuesday! WOW!!! Can you believe it!! Sorry for my digression… I think we have to trust her. She trusts us with raising and being the parents of this child. I have to believe that she knows what she is capable of dealing with.
We have grown to love this girl. Blake commented once that we would adopt her too if we could (I hope that doesn’t sound condescending). We want her to be a part of our lives and a part of Emory’s life as long as we don’t think it is to his detriment. If he becomes confused by all of it or was somehow a troubled child having a birthparent be a fixture might be more problematic but aside from that we anticipate her being a part of our lives in some capacity.
Yes, we have only committed to one visit a year for the first two years of his life but we absolutely want to stay in touch. After all, as much as we may want to we may never be able to adopt again. Shit ain’t cheap. That being said, any child Lori has will be Emory’s brother and/or sister and we certainly don’t want to deprive him of that. I guess we will cross that road when we come to it. I have read EXTENSIVELY about relationships of adoptive parents with birth mothers. They come in all shapes and sizes and the "open" part of an open adoption can be whatever a family needs it to be. Soon I will do an Adoption 101 post to help everyone understand some of the terms I may use time to time.
A huge “thank you” to everyone who has supported us through all of this process…Our family for literally giving us untold amounts of money so we could do this, the friends & family who put together showers for us, the people who came and gave us things to help us get ready for Emory, to Gretchen (seamstress extraordinaire-Carrie she could totally help you with your headband situation), to Lauren for watching our four legged children, and our co-workers for supporting us and covering for us to allow us to have this incredible part of our journey together!!!
More to come! I promise.
More to come! I promise.
1 comment:
Have a great trip to Babyville! Lori is an amazing girl- props to you for having the courage to ask her if she was still "on board" with everything. Loved her answer!!! Baby Emory is going from a giving birth mom to such a loving couple in just a couple days. Woo hoo, you are about to be parents! Thanks for the update :)
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